Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
whose parrot is this?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
