You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
