Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You left your phone here
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