is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
