New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
