Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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