why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize