When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
