I heard we made out
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
