Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
MIDGETS
????
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
