I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize