absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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