We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
