how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
