My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
