and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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