Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
