i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
