I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize