please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
