If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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