this beer tastes like vomit already
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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