I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
