Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
