I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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