I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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