I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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