my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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