I am puke
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
