You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
