That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
