textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
