The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
