she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk is not a location!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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