i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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