And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
