omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
