just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
