Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize