I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
