Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
