i permit you to call me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
