I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
