; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
