Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
