So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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