Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
