Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
