i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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