Who did Billy Mays play for?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
