I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
