Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
