Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
