Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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