She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize