I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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