I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yo dont text me then not text me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
