i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I touched a dick in church today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
