i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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