All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
