we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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