If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
