I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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