I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
