OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
